13 Ways to Make the World Cup More Appealing to Americans
This ain’t that “football you play with your feet" nonsense again, is it?
- Every team gets a wise-cracking fat kid to play goalie.
- The Undertaker periodically shows up with a folding chair to shake up the match.
- If players can’t use their hands… why should they have any?
- Refer to each team by their corresponding pancake at IHOP.
- Spread a rumor that the World Cup trophy contains Obama’s real birth certificate.
- Do away with nationalities and have teams picked by Cee-Lo, Shakira, Adam Levine, and the other one.
- Replace names on players’ jerseys with John Cougar Mellencamp lyrics.
- Way, way more head injuries.